POV: Ogata Yune
I quickly realized I was seeing a dream. It was the same dream I have been having ever since that day, after all.
I was in an underground labyrinth lit only by torches. We had suddenly found ourselves caught in a prison filled with monsters. I asked for volunteers to “thin out” the dungeon and got about 30 people. My 30 “victims”.
However, one after another, I lost sight of them. By the time I noticed, over 10 had gone missing. Worse yet, we were only able to prevent more disappearances only after 20 had gone missing.
Sticking close with the remaining 10, we encountered a Spartoi. Despite it being our first time to fight as a group, we skillfully managed to defeat the skeletal, dragon-headed monster. As we began to resume our search for those missing, I realized I felt elated at that moment. I was aware that it was rather inappropriate, but I couldn’t help it.
And soon enough, some of the other Awakened Ones began looking cheerful as well. We could do this, we thought. We could resolve this situation and get people out of the dungeon. Thinking back, it was probably only because we thought like that that we were able to move properly.
However, my subordinate—fellow cop AND Awakened One—was still dominated by fear. Even back at the platform, he was so scared of both the monsters and the gazes asking for help from the civilians that he couldn’t speak up.
I knew for a fact that he was married only recently because his spouse was a friend of mine. As such, I stealthily assured him that I would do everything to get him back home. In my mind though, I was disparaging him for being such a baby. By the way, I spoke to him stealthily because the other Awakened Ones still didn’t know he was also a cop.
I knew this one was only a dream, but I still wanted to shut my eyes for what would happen next. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. More accurately, I must not. I had to relive this tragedy my foolishness brought about.
Here it comes. The “real monster” that spreads death around.
<<BuMoooooooooooooooooooo!!>>
A cow-headed monster. A Minotaur.
Out of nowhere, it burst through a wall and instantly killed 2 of our force. It continued its onslaught as tried to make sense of what was happening. By the time my brain began working again, it was only me and my subordinate remaining.
But then, I was overcome with something. Whether it was the desire to avenge those who had fallen or just self-preservation, I did not know. Nonetheless, I slashed at the Minotaur.
But my rapier was unable to deal any wound against the monster’s tough body. My subordinate’s attack with his hexagonal club didn’t even hit.
However, by combining the swordsmanship I gained from doing fencing since I was a child and the kendo footwork I picked in the police academy, I was able somehow lead the Minotaur by the nose.
I focused on evading for a while and soon found a path to victory.
I was convinced that if I could hit the monster’s eyeball, even my attack would go through. I might even be able to deal massive damage. And so, I finally stopped “playing around” with the monster.
Ready to use left arm as a shield, I dashed in to make the fastest and strongest attack I could muster. The moment I did though, the Minotaur’s fur and horns began to shine. I heard the delayed crackle in the air as intense pain surged through my extended left arm.
While I was unable to move because of the pain, the Minotaur ran at me and then bit my now-charred left arm.
<<H-hel-noo—gah>>
My arm still in its mouth, the monster swung me and then threw me at a wall. I was so dizzy from the impact that I could feel my consciousness fading, but I still managed to get up, albeit by using the wall as support. But then, I noticed something unusual about my left arm.
<<Ah…no way…>>
My left arm…it was gone. Worse yet, the reason it took so long for me to notice was because my vision was halved. The impact of being thrown against the wall had crushed my left eye.
I slowly turned my gaze toward the monster. It was munching on my charred left arm like it was hay.
But Awakened Ones were sturdy, so even when our arms were torn off, we wouldn’t immediately die from blood loss. And if I could move, it wasn’t over for me yet. My dominant hand was my right anyway, plus I didn’t really use my left to fight except when arresting somebody. I could still fight.
<<Hi…aaa…!>>
I could still fight, but what I did was distance myself. I even dropped my sword and crept along the wall just to get away, no matter how unseemly I might have looked.
I didn’t want to die. That was the only thought that was in my head. My will to fight and the resolve I had to protect the civilian, those were gone. I was nothing but a coward.
The Minotaur swung its axe at me. At that point, I was too paralyzed by fear to move.
<<Senpai, run!>>
It was my junior at work, the very same one I dismissed as a coward earlier. He engaged the Minotaur in battle in an effort to draw its attention and lead it away from me. And then, the dungeon layout shifted. All of a sudden, the monster and my subordinate was completely out of my sight.
I felt…relief from the bottom of my heart. It was easy to guess what happened to him after that, but all I cared about at that moment was my own life.
I had led each of those people to their deaths and yet all I cared about was myself.
I pressed down on the mouth of the wound in my left side, stifled my desires to scream, and focused on hiding myself. I hid from the Minotaur, the Spartois, and my other “victims”.
And then, as I was scared and hiding, the situation was resolved. The dungeon was gone. Soon afterward, my lack of blood finally made me faint. When I woke up, I was on a hospital bed.
Both of my parents were in tears, overjoyed that I managed to return alive. The doctor lauded that it was a miracle for me to still be alive.
Slowly but surely, I realized I was finally in a safe place…it was only at this moment that I was able to think about the safety of the others. What could I say? I was an ugly, despicable coward. It made me want to off myself.
The one to answer my concern was my direct superior who came to visit. He told me the death count and the number of missing persons. He also handed over the retrieved hair and personal effects that belonged to my subordinate.
My head went blank…this was all my fault. All because I was so foolish.
I tried to play the hero. I overestimated myself. Worse yet, despite being sworn to protect civilians, I pretty much strong-armed them to fight alongside me. It should have been obvious they were simply being pressured into cooperating, yet I still forged ahead.
For all these, I was undoubtedly a sinner who must be punished.
<<It was because you gave us that push that I and my younger sister were able to make it back alive.>>
Stop it.
<<Well, who can really say what the correct answer was?>>
Please, stop.
<<Please don’t blame yourself. You’re a real hero, you know, for encouraging us back then.>>
Please…
<<What you said back then, they’re not wrong at all>>
Just, just blame me.
* * *
“…!”
A dark ceiling came into view. It was a familiar one. Before long, I recognized it as the one in my parent’s house.
Magazine journalists have been staking out the apartment I was renting, so in order to not inconvenience the other residents, I chose to return here for the meantime. Maybe it was because I haven’t gone back since I became a cop but I felt so out of place in my old room.
Still a little drowsy, I tried to get up. However, I lost balance on my left side.
Right, I don’t have my left arm anymore.
This was the first time I slept in 3 days, so my brain was taking quite a bit to wake up.
I pushed aside my bed cover with my right arm and stood up, successfully this time. Next to all the useless pills was the case that had my prosthetic arm. I took out the prosthetic arm and attached it to the surgically-made connector in my upper arm. I endured the uncomfortable stinging sensation brought by the prosthetic linking itself to my nerves as I closed the prosthetic hand.
I confirmed that, as always, the hand didn’t offer touch or heat perception. It moved without a problem though.
Finding myself bothered by my sweat-drenched shirt, I then lumbered toward the bathroom. I turned on the bathroom lights and removed my sleepwear eyepatch. Reflected in the mirror was my miserable mug.
My hair was disheveled. There were dark circles in my right eye. I was also wearing nothing but a wrinkled shirt and shorts. I was probably the very picture of slovenliness.
As I washed my face and wiped it with a towel, I recalled the end of my dream.
The Awakened Ones who survived all approved of my actions when I came to meet them. My subordinate’s wife, my friend, included.
<<Please don’t fret over it, Yune-san. That person, he fought to the very end as a police officer. That’s all there is to it. Please stand proud that you saved so many people. That way, my husband’s death wouldn’t be for nothing.>>
I wanted her to condemn me. To curse at me. To demand that, for the sake of the two in her womb, it should have been her husband who returned instead of me.
How I wanted to loudly dispute the praises from her and the others. However, if I were to acknowledge the criticisms thrown at me, that would mean those who died meaningless deaths.
I wanted the disapproval and harsh words to start and end with me.
I recalled the boy I recently met. The one who fell the Minotaur, Okawa Kyotaro.
He had looked at me like he was looking at someone he deeply respected. And those eyes made a chill run down my spine. I wasn’t someone that kind of gaze should be directed at.
I wanted to tell him the truth. That I was no hero. That I was nothing more than a coward. But back when I did so to a reporter, that reporter up and vanished. And when I told so to my superior, I was told to cease as “continuing to say such things would only invite more chaos into our society”.
Feeling nauseous, I slowly focused my gaze at the mirror. My jet-black right eye greeted me again. I could open only that right eye yet I glared at my reflection with my left eye as well. I glared with hatred and disdain at the murderer in the mirror.
This was how those people should be looking at me.
I put a towel around my neck and headed out. Thankfully, my parents’ home in the countryside had a backyard. At this hour, there was nobody nearby to even bother, plus media people haven’t been coming here recently. And even though it was 3 in the morning, I would be just fine if I was moving and sweating. And so, I decided to do practice sword swings. My recent experiences taught me that fainting due to fatigue was one way I could sleep.
I should have died back then. No matter what anyone says, I would not change my mind about that. Therefore, I must swing my sword, I must hone my skills so that I could die properly next time. So that I could burn up this soul who survived. Only then would I truly rest.
Taroppe-sensei(author)’s Q&A corner
Thank you for reading!
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Q: What were those “useless pills”?
A: Awakened Ones, including her, have higher tolerance against medicines than normal people, so things like antidepressants, analgesics, or sleeping medications aren’t as effective on them.
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